...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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