I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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