i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
