I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
