remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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