i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
