My liver just broke up with me...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My hand turned me down
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
