he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize