I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The struggles of a small town man whore
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