I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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