i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
