I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
