I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
