Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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