I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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