youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
