Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just cropdusted the office
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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