Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
