He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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