Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
