I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
