I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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