We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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