I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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