"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
