Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
