why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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