shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
