somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
