I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
