it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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