Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
