So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
