It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Someone signed my nipple.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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