Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
