I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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