I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
