Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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