I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
