Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
