somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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