How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
