i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
