You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
