i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize