it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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