Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
