the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
