She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
