So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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