Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i would punch a child for taco bell
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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