my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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