i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
