your parents love me but you hate me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
