mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We don't watch enough power rangers
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
