Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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