so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
