Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
