One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
