Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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