Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
