That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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